Reasons I Fell for the Funny Fat Friend Page 13

  “And to make sure you’ll be okay without us.”

  This week? Crap, is it Spring Break already?

  Mom pats the spot next to her on the bed and I plop down, ready for the ‘itinerary’ since they’ll force me to listen to it sooner or later.

  “So, our plane leaves tomorrow afternoon. We were going to take a cab, but do you think you could drop us off?”

  “Can we take the Dodge?”

  Dad chuckles and air fist bumps me. “Yeah. You can borrow it while we’re gone too, but only if you’re picking up some hot ladies.”

  “Mark!”

  “He knows I’m kidding.”

  We both laugh, and Mom mumbles something again, but I don’t catch it.

  “Anyway… we trust you, honey. Even with everything that happened with your brother, we know you’ll be okay… not throw any wild parties or anything.”

  She makes it sound like I’m a saint. I smile and sling my arm around her shoulders.

  “I may have game night here, but that’s it. Just a few friends, a few beers, and some condoms for the orgy.”

  Dad busts a gut while Mom threatens to shove a tomato in my face.

  “I told you, the boy will be fine.”

  “Really, Mom. It’s not like you guys have never left town before.”

  The corner of her mouth twitches, and Dad’s there in a second, sitting on the other side of her and grabbin’ her hand. I pull my arm off her shoulders, lettin’ him be the one to do the comfortin’ crap. She’s Mom, and I’d do it, but she has him. And I’m glad she has him. He gives me a head nod ‘cause he knows I get that.

  “I just… if Gabe shows up…”

  Ah, the douche brother is the problem.

  “I’ll control myself.” I put my hand over my heart and the other out like I’m givin’ a bike signal. “No more busted noses or sore knuckles.”

  Instead of laughin’, like I expect her to, like she normally would have, her eyes get shiny before she buries her face in her hands. I give Dad a look that says, ‘What the hell?’ He’s rubbin’ her back, shushing her and shruggin’ at me.

  “I just wish our family was… why can’t we…?”

  Dad smirks. “All just get along?”

  Her laugh comes out like a rush of air, and she nods. “I know it’s stupid.”

  “It’s not stupid, Mom.” ‘Cause it’s not. Our family shouldn’t be so messed up. I wish I had that buddy-buddy thing with Gabe like I used to. I even wish Mark was my real dad… okay, he’s my ‘real’ dad, but not my biological dad. And I wish Mom didn’t have to deal with it all.

  “I miss having Quynn around.” She smiles and sort of nudges me. “Things were pretty good when she was, huh?”

  Ah hell. This is the moment she chooses to tell me her obvious preference with the girls in my life? I get it. Mom and Quynn are like family. And things were awesome when Quynn was around. But she’s not Hayley. I can’t help but think if Mom knew Hayley, she wouldn’t be shoving Quynn in my face every chance she could.

  “I guess.” That’s all that comes out.

  “Okay, enough of the heavy.” Dad squeezes Mom’s shoulders. “Let’s talk about the fun stuff.”

  They give me a play by play on their plans this week, Dad winking at Mom every time they say they’ll be ‘sleeping’. Yuck. Basically, all I hear is they’ll have a bunch of fun together, romance and all that other junk, and they’ll be home on Sunday night. Oh, and I’m not allowed to have an orgy.

  Dually noted.

  My phone rings right as Dad is givin’ Mom another wink, and I leap up to get it.

  I thought only girls get all… what do they call it? Fluttery? Dude, I dunno, but crazy crap jumps up and down in my stomach when I see Hayles’ name on the screen.

  “You guys done makin’ those gross faces? Can I…?” I hold up the phone and they both take the hint, Dad pinchin’ Mom’s butt on the way out.

  Yes, it’s gross ‘cause it’s my parents, but seein’ them together, that’s what love should be like, right?

  That’s sappy. I’m goin’ soft.

  “Hey. What’s up?”

  Silence. Nothing. Maybe I didn’t get to it in time.

  No wait. There’s a hitched breathing or somethin’.

  “Hayles?”

  Nothing again. Startin’ to freak me out. I’m already headed for the car keys.

  “Can… can we go to the library?” she whispers.

  “Yes.” Car keys are now in my hand. Mom and Dad have already made it to their room. I’ll text them or somethin’. They probably want to be alone.

  “I’m… I’m not at home.”

  “Where are you?”

  She gives me an address, and I run to the kitchen to write it down.

  “I’ll be right there.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Hayles?”

  “Yeah?”

  “You okay?”

  Silence again. Long enough that I’m in the car and pullin’ out of the driveway before she answers.

  “Could you hurry?”

  Reason 19: Pictures of bleedin’ people don’t want to make you puke

  Even flyin’ down the road at a speed I didn’t know the Corsica was capable of, I don’t get there as fast I want to. I leave the car runnin’ against the curb when I pull up, jump out and sprint to Hayles, who’s sitting drenched in the rain at some decrepit building I’ve never been to or seen, just outside of town.

  She doesn’t say anythin’, and I don’t either. Just tuck her into my arms and pull her inside the car.

  More silence as I climb in next to her, turn up the heat and get her out of wherever it is we are.

  I’m scared as hell to ask her what’s up. She’s not turnin’ on the radio, or putting her feet on the dash, or even cryin’. She’s being too quiet for Hayley, and nothin’ is coming to my mind about how to break the silence.

  After a few minutes, I’m ready to slap on the stereo just to get rid of the tension in the air, but she finally says somethin’.

  “Thanks.”

  I glance at her before turning back to the road. She isn’t lookin’ at me. “Uh huh.”

  “You don’t have to stay with me at the library if you don’t want to.”

  I look at her again. She’s lookin’ at me too.

  “You still want to go to the library?” I attempt a smile. “Or do you wanna try some video games at my place?”

  She laughs, but not a real one. “And risk another power outage?”

  I shrug. “Sure.”

  Her lips press together and she looks back out the window. “Thanks, but I really just… I need to go to the library.”

  I sigh, turning onto the road that’ll take me there. “Okay, but I’m not leavin’ you alone.”

  “Really, Brody, I can take the bus—”

  “I’m not leavin’ you.”

  I know I probably sound like a dick, but I’m not goin’ to just drop her off after… whatever it is that happened. She’s blushin’ and smilin’—a real one—still not looking at me, but I’ll take whatever I can.

  There’s more silence during the rest of the drive, the walk into the library, and then more when we go back to the ‘dead to the world’ section. Then she breaks it by tellin’ me to save the couch and she’ll be right back.

  I throw myself in the seat and kick my legs up to take over the whole thing so no one will sit next to me. Not like they would. Hayles comes back with a big fat book tucked against her chest.

  She shoves my feet off the couch and sits cross-legged right next to me, lettin’ me put my arm around her shoulders. She opens the book, and my eyes bug out of my skull.

  “Uh…”

  She giggles. “Yeah, this is what happens to the boys in the Amazon's Satere Mawé tribe when they become a man.”

  I choke back the bile risin’ in my throat, tryin’ to be the macho man, but uh, yeah, not sure if I can handle Bullet Ant Gloves. The poor kid’s hands are so swollen and red, they co
uld be balloon animals. How Hayles is lookin’ at this with a big grin on her face, I have no idea, but it makes me feel like a major pussy. I flip the page from the nasty lookin’ fingers.

  Oh man. The acrophobic in me also can’t handle the kids hangin’ from their ankles by vines off of very large cliffs.

  “This is called land jumping.” Hayles smiles as she smoothes the page. “It says if their head doesn’t touch the ground, it’ll be a bad harvest.”

  “You mean, they have to bang in their skull?”

  “Not if they’re really careful.” She winks and flips the page.

  I take a deep breath and throw my head back against the cushion. “Okay, so why is that kid shoving an arrow into his tongue?” And why are you showin’ me this stuff?

  Her butt slides closer to mine as she settles the book in my lap. All right, I don’t understand what’s goin’ through her head—hate this picture gazing at me, but I can’t help but feel like maybe this is what she needs to fix what’s botherin’ her. To look at gross pictures and talk about crazy shit.

  “Matausa tribe. They think if they get rid of the female blood in them, their mother’s blood, then they’ll attract more women and become braver.”

  “Yeah, that makes a whole lot of sense.”

  She laughs and shrugs against me. “You’re looking green. Maybe I should put it away?”

  “No.” I get it. This is what she needs. “Keep goin’. It’s fine.”

  She gives me another once over, in which I try to look comfortable, then she turns the page again.

  “Holy crap! That kid is naked!”

  “Shh!” She’s laughin’ at me while pressing a finger to my lips.

  “They have this stuff in the library?” I say under her hand.

  “Yes. It’s educational. And it’s just a butt. I’m sure you’ve seen worse.”

  “No.”

  She shakes her head and rolls her eyes. “Cow jumping. They have to do it naked.”

  “How do you know all this stuff?”

  Her hands graze over the page before she closes the book, leavin’ it in my lap. “I read it a lot.”

  I start running my hand up and down her arm. Her skin pops with goose bumps, and I try to hide the smile formin’ on my lips. “Why? You into bizarre stuff like this?”

  She doesn’t look at me and keeps her eyes locked on the book in my lap. “I guess life just doesn’t seem so bad sometimes when you see what these people have to do to please their parents.”

  Bingo. That’s what it is. Her damn mom. I thought it might have somethin’ to do with the weird building and the frantic phone call.

  I squeeze her shoulders, and her head falls onto my chest.

  “Brody?”

  “Yeah?”

  “C-can I… can I hold your hand?”

  I chuckle, don’t mean to, but it comes out anyway. I grab her hand with my free one, the book clatterin’ to the floor.

  “You don’t ever have to ask, Hayles.”

  Reason 20: If eyes can be hot, yours are smokin’

  Mom and Dad are gone. Whole week to myself, and I have nothin’ planned till Saturday. I’m a Class A loser.

  And speakin’ of Saturday, I’m gettin’ Hayles’ list ready. I’m goin’ to memorize it too because I’m not makin’ more than one copy. My hand still hurts like hell, and I’m not going to type it ‘cause, well, girls probably don’t want that. They like the handwritten junk.

  The list is easier now. After seein’ her on Monday and the way she was just so, I dunno, strong but still needed me, everythin’ is coming out so much better. She won’t care if I sound stupid or whatever. She’ll get it.

  There’s a knock at my front door. I groan as I tuck away the list in my back pocket and trudge upstairs to answer it. Probably some salesman or somethin’. And if it’s Gabe, I’ll just slam the door in his face.

  Whoever it is, they knock again.

  “Okay, okay, I’m comin’!”

  I swing the door open, the sound of pounding rain reachin’ my ears. Quynn stands under her bright pink umbrella with a huge smile on her face and says, “Hey, Bro! What you up to?”

  It takes me a second to wipe the shock from my face. Quynn knows Mom is out of town. She also told me at school that her Spring Break was stock full.

  I’m not a fan of the ‘pop in’ either, but I wave her through the door anyway. “Uh, not much. Just hangin’ out.”

  She shakes off her umbrella and sticks it in the entryway before closin’ the door shut behind her. I know she’s comfortable here—I get it, but I’m not too happy when she plants her butt on the couch without really askin’ if she can stay. For some stupid reason, I make sure the list is secure in my pocket before sittin’ next to her.

  “Thought you said you were pretty busy this week.”

  She shrugs. “I am. But it’s rainy and I thought since we didn’t get to talk last Friday…” Her voice drifts off as she studies my face. “Oh my gosh, I’m sorry. Did I totally interrupt you doing something?”

  She goes to stand, but I put a hand on her arm stoppin’ her. Not sure why, though. I don’t want her to stay, but I don’t want her to leave either.

  Man, I thought I had this figured out.

  “No, you didn’t. Just surprised me.” I attempt a smile. “So, how’s your Spring Break?”

  Lame. I suck at chit-chat.

  “Pretty good so far.” She tucks her feet under her butt and slides closer to me. I try to move away without bein’ so obvious about it. “Parties the past couple nights. I was hoping to see you there, but someone thinks he’s too good for that stuff.” She shoves my leg and laughs.

  I chuckle with her. Can’t help it. “Nah, just not the party type. You know that.”

  She rolls her eyes. “Yes, I know. One of these days I’ll get you to come with me.” Her face goes bright red. “I mean go with me, not come…” She slaps her forehead while I laugh my face off. “Please change the subject before I die.”

  “Okay, when Mom and Dad gave me their itinerary for the weekend, they included every time they’d be… ‘sleeping’.”

  Quynn perks up, face still red, but she’s laughing. “Ew!”

  “You’re tellin’ me.”

  “At least you know when not to call them.”

  We bust up, and I hop off the couch. “You want somethin’ to drink?” It’s like it was before, funnily enough. Better actually because I’m not nervous around her. I see her, talk with her, but I’m not wanting her. It’s kind of a relief.

  “Sure, thanks.” She grabs a blanket off the back of the couch and wraps it around her shoulders. It’s the same blanket Hayley used when we played twenty questions, and just when I think I’ve got a grip on the situation, my heart does a funky knot thing. Not sure if Hayles would like me hangin’ with Quynn alone. Pretty sure that’s a big no-no in convincing her she’s the one I want.

  And I’m not stupid. I know Quynn is flirtin’ with me.

  This is screwed up. I’m not like Gabe. I’m not like bio-dad.

  But I’m not rude either, and I don’t want to just kick her out.

  All of this is goin’ through my brain as I make like a robot and get us some Cherry Pepsi from the fridge.

  “So, uh…” I stutter as I sit back down, in the recliner this time, “what do you got goin’ on the rest of the day?”

  Please say she has plans.

  “Nothing! Totally wide open. Why? You want to do something?”

  Ah hell.

  “N-not sure if I can.” Complete lie, Brody. Just tell her the truth. You’re seein’ someone else. “It’s Friday night.”

  Again, that’s my copout because I have no plans with Tanner at all. I’m such a wuss.

  “Another game night.” She sighs. “You should really go with me to Jamie’s party tonight. I wasn’t planning on going, but if you’re there…”

  Her eyes do that puppy dog thing. It sucks. Hayley does that too, but she doesn’t ever mean to. Her eye
s are just naturally big and round, suck-you-in green and innocent. They’re hot eyes, if eyes can be hot. Maybe it’s ‘cause she smiles with them.

  I shake my head and focus on Quynn, who is now chewin’ on her bottom lip.

  Hayles never bites her lip. Only that once, and it was weird.

  “I don’t—”

  “I’m not letting you say no.” She points a finger at me. “You skip out on all the fun stuff. You’re going and that’s that.”

  She stands up, crossing her arms, giving me the ‘I’m teasin’ but I’m serious about it too’ look. She tosses her blonde hair over her shoulder and leans down, holding the arms of the recliner.

  “Please, Brody?”

  Girls suck. I don’t like her like I used to—I know that for sure—but how do they have such power over guys? One word. That cursed word. Please. Ugh.

  “I’m bringin’ Tanner.”

  She smiles and claps her hands together. “Point, Quynn.”

  I chuckle, but it’s forced. Then she babbles on about parties or some other stuff. I’m not payin’ attention. All that’s goin’ through my stupid head is what Hayley will think if she finds out.

  Oh! Maybe she’ll come with me. I could text her right now!

  No, wait. She said she had somethin’ goin’ on tonight, which is why we’re goin’ out tomorrow.

  Damn it.

  But I will call Tanner. This will not be a date. ‘Cause I’m over Quynn. I’ve got Hayles. Or at least, I want to have Hayles.

  Then why can’t I just spit out the words? Why can’t I tell anyone? Not Mom or Dad, not Quynn. Not even Tanner knows. Only person who does is my douche of a brother, and that’s ‘cause he saw me with her. What’s wrong with me?

  “Okay, I’ll see you later then!”

  I must be on autopilot, ‘cause I’ve walked her to the door and helped her with her jacket without even realizin’ it.

  “Uh, yeah, okay.”

  She skips off the porch to her car, then waves at me as she drives off.

  Yup, I’m a wuss.

  Reason 21: You can put boob marks in all my shirts and I won’t care

  What do you wear to a party you don’t want to go to? Nothin’? Yeah, showin’ up buck ass naked will be a sure sign of, ‘I’m not into you. Sorry if I led you on.’ This stuff is messed up, I’m tellin’ ya.